Maltesers - Courtesy of Billy Bragg

"They rolled rapidly like Maltesers on the floor of a bus that was breaking hard". Bill told me to write this down. (Well, me and about 2,000 other people).

Why is there no Cheese in Chinese Food?

Seriously. No Cheese. See.

Question

How do you hold an idiot blog reader in suspense?

Rant: Rule Governing Arrival Time.

I find it odd that the greater the complexity governing arrival, the closer the actual time of arrival tends to be to the planned time. For example:

1. Send a spacecraft from Earth to Mars (~10 months travel time, Spaceship) and it touches down to the second;
2. Fly from San Jose to Seattle (2 hours, Jet) and the flight arrives within 5 minutes of scheduled arrival;
3. Ask for a Pacific Gas and Electric employee to visit your house (5 minutes, car) and the best they can do is to provide a four hour window.....

Now, I'm sure we can all think of many exceptions to this rule. But it still pisses me off that PG&E scheduling is so crap. Get a day planner!

(4. If your significant other is asked to do a job and has zero distance to travel and zero complexity associated with getting to the site of the intended work (e.g. bathroom to fix a leaky faucet), the work will never get done).

Cool App: Brand Tags

Brand Tags is described as a collective experiment in brand perception. Site visitor are presented with brand names and are asked to enter the first thing that pops into their head. Results are presented similar to 'tag clouds' the size of the font employed for each user entry is proportional to the number of times that entry is made. Fun exercise is to browse the tag clouds trying to guess the brand from just the tags - it's eerily easy to do in the vast majority of case. And boy, do people have a negative brand perception of Microsoft... Amazon does well.

Amazon - "In their own words"

Finished work on editing the Website Platform entry for the Amazon video contest. I've created a cut-down version here with just the animation and staff shots. Enjoy.

Welcome to the 20th Century Award

This week's "welcome to the 20th century" award is presented to Virginia Mason hospital in Seattle, WA. While attempting to pay my bill I followed the VM billing department's advice and attempted to set up an on-line account. After filling in the usual guff I was presented with the scree you see above. The key information here is "Your request is being processed and you will receive an e-mail within 48 hours with your password and login instructions". Really?

Now, "within 48 hours" could mean that I will receive it in the next 30 seconds (that being the average time in my experience it takes the majority of sites to set up an account and send you e-mail confirmation). However I suspect that if this were indeed true, the registration text I received would have gloated in the message "Your request is being processed and you will receive an e-mail within 30 seconds with your password and login instructions - so keep your eyes peeled bucko".

No, I really do believe that it will take them most of their alloted 48 hours to process my request. Given that even my 25 year old Sinclair ZX80 could probably process the account set up in a few minutes (and even run an nuclear power station!) this seems to imply that there will be *gasp* manual processing involved. Plenty of opportunities for them to screw up multiple elements of my personal data. Looking forward to that I can tell you....

Garmin Nuvi 660 & Blackberry 8700 - Bluetooth

When you're pairing a Garmin Nuvi 660 & Blackberry 8700 via Bluetooth, turn off encryption. Only took me 45 mins to figure this out as the root cause of my constant stream of disconnections.

And oh yeah, Garmin's web-based support blows monkey chunks...

As Beautiful as an Airport

Regarding the debacle that is Heathrow Terminal 5:

1. Is anyone surprised that was a monumental screw up? Just take a look at the rest of Heathrow. They've had *years* to get it right with only backwards progress (and yes - I had the displeasure of flying through Heathrow last Monday so I have recent, first-hand experience). Take a leaf from the pages of many other industries (especially the software industry ;-) It *never* works first time; that's why a "soft opening" is so important. Run a smaller set of traffic through the system first to work out the kinks. Then ramp it up over time. Big bang launches are aptly named...

2. Let us bow our heads and remember the words of Douglas Adams (and I paraphrase as it's been years since I read the quote): "no society in the universe has ever come up with a phase that is equivalent to 'as beautiful as an airport'..."

3. Bring back Dennis Howell. Minister of Sport and then Minister of drought. Where are you Dennis when we need you so much...?

It's so easy to hate Comcast

I've had cable network access through Comcast in Seattle for the past 18 months with nary a problem. Two weeks ago I lost all network access. After a fruitless half an hour on the phone with Comcast support it was determined that I had a faulty cable modem (which turned out to be complete bullshit - and I suspect the engineer knew it) and I should swap it out. Ok. Did that. Having plugged in the replacement modem, lo and behold, no browser access. I could ping sites with no problem and I appeared to have reasonable DNS setting etc. Very strange. I placed a call to Comcast (with the usual we'll call you back in 30 mins response) and left my PC directly connected to the Cable modem. Wandering past the machine a few minutes later all of my Firefox tabs I was using to connect to Yahoo, Google, Amazon etc were all now sporting a comcast.net account registration page. Odd - since I've been registered with Comcast for 18 months.... Anyway, humoring the system I went through the badly-designed and excruciatingly slow registration process. Ah ha! now I have browser access. Problem solved. The phone rang with my Comcast call back. No help needed here thanks! Done.

I plugged the cable modem back into my router (remember, the one that had been working fine for 18 months), connected to the router (Linksys) and went to look at the IP, DNS etc setting served by Comcast. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. WTF? Went back to the PC I registered with - all OK. Tried a different PC directly connected to the cable modem. Nothing working there.

Ah.... it all finally makes sense. Comcast don't like you running your own router (they'll sell you their router and access for up to 5 PC's - but you're not allowed to do that yourself). I must have been running under the radar for the past 18 months, someone must have looked at my traffic patterns and reset my account so that when I re-enabled I'd trigger their new security measures that locks your account to a single PC (via the MAC). Yeah - well screw you Comcast. Two minutes worth of MAC address cloning and I was back up and running on my own router. It's rather like the water company saying you can have a water feed - but you can only dispense from one faucet.... Now I know why Comcast stock is trading at the same point they were trading in July 1999. Actually the main reason that I'm pissed with Comcast is that even after asking both support engineers with whom I spoke (and to whom I described my home set up) neither of them flagged the fact that my connection would be locked to the activating-PC and that I could no longer use my own router (ha! that's what they think). Either they didn't know (would figure - given how crappy Comcast is at support - seen their on-line FAQ's recently?) or they knew and were told to keep quiet about it. Dimwits.

Oh, any for any Comcast folks reading this, go fix your packet shaping software that keeps screwing up and turning into traffic "denying" software. Thanks.

Green's - don't dis the Internet

In “Seeing Green” (Wired, March 2008) Fred Krupp says “…clean tech is a much more important revolution. We’re talking about the future of humanity, not how to find a date on the Internet”. He fails to acknowledge that the Green movement has been empowered by that same Internet. Significant funding for Green awareness projects has come from revenues generated by the Internet and that same Internet is a significant source of information about global warming. Indeed Mr. Krupp’s book Earth: The Sequel, is available from Amazon.com via the Internet (unfortunately only as a hard copy book and not as a downloadable Kindle e-book as the publisher has yet to make it available in that format. Shame on them).

Glides like a 2 bedroom apartment

Received e-mail from Expedia yesterday confirming my flights to/from Iasi in Romania next month. The flight from Iasi to Bucharest on 3/21 looks to be very interesting. I will, in fact, be flying not on a modern jet aircraft, rather in a 2 bedroom apartment for 5. No indication if refreshments will be served during the journey. I presume I can just go into the kitchen and whip myself up a snack...

Videora - Tivo Converter

Useful little app: Videora enables you to convert your regular PC video files (avi, mpeg, etc) into the proper video format that your TiVo understands. Once it's complete it will place the completed files in the directory that is synced with your Tivo. You can then locate and transfer the converted files from your Tivo "now playing" screen. One of the additional benefits of Videora is that you don't have to shell out $25 to Tivo for Desktop Plus. Videora conversion isn't quick (depends on the size of the file you're converting. A feature length movie can take an hour and a half to convert) - but that's OK. I just set it running before I go to bed or leave for the office and the shows/movies are waiting for me when I next turn on the TV.

There's a great set of instructions regarding Videora for Tivo on Lifehacker.

SCO: The man behind the woman behind the man

"The SCO Group Announces Reorganization Plan to Include $100 Million Financing by Stephen Norris Capital Partners" [Groklaw]

One of the members of Stephen Norris Capital Partners' Investment Committee is Pamela J. Newman.

Amongst other things, Pamela serves on the board of "Chipwich Chippoppitty".

WTF?

Chipwich Chippoppitty Incorporated
105 Shad Row, Piermont, NY
(845) 359-1440

You can learn more about Chipwich by consulting "Mr. Chipwich" who has "some exciting news for you". Apparently he's invented a new form of fuel....

So let me get this straight. A member of the investment committee of the company that is pouring $100 million into a company that has just had the shit beaten out of it in court and has been sent running home to find that someone has stomped on their toys, is qualified to do so based on their stunning investment acumen evidenced by their relationship with someone named "Mr. Chipwich"?

Dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria...

The Kaossilator!

Talk about love at first site! The Kaossilator is something that William Gibson could easily weave into a story. It's a pocket sized synthesizer that employs a touch pad to manipulate pitch and sound. It has a bazillion (well, lots) of built in sound effects including a full drum kit. Even a musical duffer such as I can be turning out halfway reasonable loops within seconds (check out the video to see of what this thing is capable). ThinkGeek sometimes has these in stock for the I'd-buy-two-at-twice-the-price pittance of $199.

The Definition of the word "rebate"

Rebate: A deduction from an amount to be paid or a return of part of an amount given in payment.

Everyone got that? Clearly our friends at USA Today (yes - the one with all the pictures) don't know what rebate means. USA Today is running an article about the upcoming drive-our-country-greater-into-debt so-called economic stimulus package. Hilarity ensues in the Q&A section:

Q: What about people who don't owe any income tax?

A: Even if you didn't owe any income tax, you're still eligible for a rebate of $300

How is a "rebate" possible if you haven't paid anything in the first place? This is not a rebate it's a "hand out" or "stupid ass giveaway". Robert A. Heinlein pretty well summed it up in his book “Time Enough For Love” when he wrote - “When the people learn that they can vote themselves Cake and Champagne and force you to pay for it; they will.”

Pass the fork.

My Only Connection....

...to either team playing in the Superbowl today is via Rich Segina with whom I worked at VA Software. I happened over this today: Just Another Night's Work for Giants from 1991.

So, Go Giants!

Make Your Mind Up!

Dear Yahoo. I can understand that the unsolicited offer from Microsoft to buy you may have you in somewhat of a tizzy, but come on! Is this evening's showing of 'War of the Worlds' its TV premiere or a repeat? You sound like the weatherman hedging his bets with lines like "cloudy today, with sunny spells, chance of rain. changeable" -- covers pretty much all the bases.

Pepsi Stuff

Joint Amazon-Pepsi promotion has kicked off. Pepsi has been doing this for quite some time. With some surprising outcomes:

1999; A federal judge in New York City has dismissed a breach of contract and fraudulent advertising lawsuit against Pepsico Inc. brought by a plaintiff who took its television commercial literally and presented the company with the necessary cash and merchandise points to obtain a Harrier Jet fighter plane... Pepsico, the manufacturer of Pepsi Cola and other soft drink products, ran a television commercial in 1995 and 1996 promoting its Pepsi Points program in which Pepsi drinkers could accumulate points and exchange them for "Pepsi Stuff," gifts from a gift catalogue published by the company.

The commercial showed a male teenager leaving for school attired in various Pepsi Stuff clothing items while subtitles indicated how many points are required to obtain each item. One such banner read, "LEATHER JACKET 1,450 PEPSI POINTS." In the next scene, the same teenager is shown arriving at school in a Harrier Jet. The subtitle then reads, "HARRIER JET FIGHTER 7,000,000 PEPSI POINTS."

The Pepsi Points catalogue did not include the Harrier Jet, but it stated that if a consumer lacks sufficient points to redeem an item, he or she could purchase the required points from Pepsico at 10 cents each.

Inspired by the ad, Seattle resident John R. Leonard set out to accumulate the cash and points needed to claim the jet, which is valued at $23 million. He raised $700,000 from friends -- seven million points at ten cents each -- and sent a check and 15 Pepsi Points along with an order form from the catalogue to Pepsico."

I wonder if John Leonard is an Amazon customer and is planning something similar with Justin Timberlake?

Stating the Obvious

From the Seattle Times today: "Bombers described as mentally disabled" - story about two women suicide bombers in Iraq. I'd argue that *all* bombers are mentally disabled. What sane person is going strap explosives to themselves and set them off? I paid $0.50 for this earth shattering piece of insight. I want my money back!